Trainer Kathy Galleher on Using Style Matters

Consultant Oma Drawas on Using Style Matters

What Trainers Say About Style Matters

Conflict Management Starts with Self Management

 You Scored High in Harmonizing in Storm 

This suggests that when tension is high, you make effort to please the other person and keep the relationship strong, rather than pressing ahead with your own agenda. Harmonizing has a particular set of strengths and weaknesses that you should be aware of.

Low in Harmonizing style of conflict resolution

Harmonizing has Valuable Strengths

Characteristics of this style include:

  • Flexible, adaptable, accommodating.
  • Sociable; gets along well with others.
  • Easy-going and pleasant.
  • Others feel value and respected.
  • Sensitive to the needs to others.

sdfhskjafhskjfhsakjfhskjfhskfhskjfhskj

But Don't Over-Use It

If you use Harmonizing when other styles are called for, the consequences can be difficult:

  • Accumulation of resentment in you towards those you are trying to please, likely leading to...
  • Reduced interest and enthusiasm on your part for relationships in which your needs are always overlooked;
  • Depression, if your needs and opinions are never recognized;
  • Lack of direction or principle if you never take a stand on things important to you;
  • Failure to advocate for or protect others in your care;
  • Continuation of things that ought to be challenged.

Take Steps to Maintain Balance

You can take special measures so you experience more of the benefits of wise use of Harmonizing and fewer of the costs of overuse.

  • Expand your use of other styles so you are less likely to over-use Harmonizing. Pay special attention to the Cooperating style, which draws on relational skills you already have but adds greater assertiveness about your own needs.
  • Prepare for discussion by thinking through carefully what you value or need. Your relational orientation may make it difficult to think in the heat of difficult discussion. Thinking things through in advance will make it easier to hold out for things important to you.
  • Strengthen assertiveness skills. With practice you can develop confidence in your ability to assert what you need without damaging relationships. Roleplaying these skills is particularly helpful in learning them.
  • Create a Personal Mission Statement. People of all styles benefit from this, but creating a private written statement of your life's major purposes is likely to benefit you especially, by identifying personal anchors to stick to when others make demands.
  • Create a small "reference council" of wise and trusted friends to consult with about a major conflict. Harmonizers seek strength in relationships. Be proactive about organizing time with people who will support you and help you to "stay the course" when necessary.
  • Establish practices and routines of self-care. Stress and tension wear down everyone, but Harmonizers may be more vulnerable than others. When you have important negotiations, try to be well-rested, schedule frequent breaks, and keep discussions to a moderate length.

Support Strategies for Harmonizers

 The most difficult conflicts often come with those close to us, our partners and colleagues.  The support strategies below are for partners who want to help you function at your best.   Given your preference for Harmonizing as a conflict style, others should consider using these strategies with you when differences arise: 

  • Put relationship before task. Relationships always come before tasks for people who favor the Harmonizing style (the opposite of those who favor Directing). In work or negotiations with Harmonizers, use a two-step approach: 1) Begin on a light note and chit-chat for a few minutes, about the weekend, family, sports, etc. 2) Only then settle down to work or serious discussion.

  • Make small gestures of friendship. Even more than other styles, Harmonizers appreciate a thoughtful note, a compliment, an offer of a something to drink, a well-chosen gift, a card, acknowledgement of work well done, etc. Harmonizers will go farther with you in following discussions or work if you first set the stage with such gestures.

  • Talk about things in a way that is not angry or hostile. Keep your volume down and listen well. Do not exaggerate or dramatize your emotions, for the Harmonizer already hears and feels them at an amplified level.

  • Keep it light. Harmonizers tune out of conversations that are long, heavy, and intense. Show a sense of humor, express appreciation, be positive.

  • Invite disagreement or criticism. Since Harmonizers value relationships and hate offending anyone, they are not quick to speak their mind if they think others disagree. If you want a candid opinion, make it easier for a Harmonizer by letting them know you really want to hear what they think. And of course, don't betray your words by over-reacting.

  • Avoid marathons. Harmonizers handle long discussions better if you take regular breaks and "lighten up" from time to time.

  • Voice appreciation. Task-focused people who work with Harmonizers should make special effort to notice and appreciate the Harmonizer and their contributions.

As a Harmonizer you might want to pick out things above that seem true for you and discuss them with people you live or work with.