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You Scored High in Cooperating in Storm
This suggests that when things get tense you try to create a discussion in which both sides openly present their views and then search together for solutions that fully address needs of both. More than any other style, Cooperating is useful in bringing positive outcomes in conflict. But it also has critical limitations you should be aware of.
Cooperating has Valuable Uses. Strengths associated with wise use of this style include:
- Confidence and optimism. People who favor Cooperating have unusual confidence in working things out together. Their hopefulness can be a gift to others.
- Leads to strong teams. Cooperating is committed to both task and relationship. Partners and teams who use it well become strong unit. The work gets done in a thorough way and the people involved enjoy good relationships.
- Innovation and creativity. Solutions that nobody had thought of before often emerge in the interactive, respectful probing typical of this style.
- Skill at talking things through. It's impossible to use Cooperating well without strong skills for talking things through. Though not always aware they have them, people good at Cooperating often possess these skills, learned from the modeling of parents or teachers, by trial and error, or training in conflict resolution or communication.
- Endurance. People who score high in Cooperating often have unusual stamina for talking things through. They know it takes time to find solutions that work well for everyone and they exercise patience in hearing out those they disagree with. They have confidence to present their own views and courage to keep talking even when others disagree. Their example can help others not to lose hope of finding peace in the midst of big differences.
- Personal growth. Since they engage deeply, people who use Cooperating a lot are constantly exposed to new ideas and perspectives. They learn and grow from these and develop confidence in themselves.
- Trust between people. When teams or groups use Cooperating successfully, confidence in each other grows. The shared feeling is: We know how to work through our issues.
But Don't Over-Use It. Though it has wonderful strengths, Cooperating has limits. Overuse of this valuable conflict style can bring:
- Failure to defend people or principles that require protection. Sometimes it's important not to work together, but instead to confront wrong.
- Failure to get other important things done. Cooperating takes time and energy. Not all conflicts merit the investment it requires. Applied to many trivial issues, Cooperating backfires, as people weary of "too much processing".
- Discouragement, low morale, sense of failure, exhaustion, or burnout, if attempted without realistic awareness of the costs. No matter how good the intention or skill, intense problem-solving with others requires time, attention, and energy. You may run low on the personal resources for the intense conversations required. Sometimes it is necessary to protect your core mission by limiting your use of Cooperation.
- Increased conflict and misunderstanding, if used without consideration of status. This style involves being "up front" about what you want. A junior secretary should be cautious about using it with the company CEO. A CEO should not assume others will feel free to use it with him or her. Cooperating requires trust and a track record, especially when power and status are unequal.
- A bad name for conflict resolution, dialogue, or peace processes. If Cooperating is pursued too long with an opponent who takes an unyielding Directing or Avoiding stance or with people who don't have the time and skills required, it may create "evidence" that talk and problem-solving don't work. Yes, a patient Cooperating approach often brings forth a Cooperating response in others, but it does not always do so. If you persist anyway and hold out unrealistic expectations, you and others may lose confidence in Cooperating as a useful response to any conflict. Over-using Cooperating may thus damage the cause of peace.
Steps You Can Take to Maintain Balance with Cooperating. You can take special measures so you experience the benefits of wise use of Cooperating and avoid the costs of overuse:
- Expand your skills in use of other styles so you are less likely to over-use Cooperating.
- Choose your battles. Think carefully about which issues, relationships, and situations deserve the time and effort required for Cooperating. If you use it too often you'll run out of time and energy for people and causes you truly care about and you could even be in danger of burnout.
- Consider dynamics of status and power. To the extent inequality is present, use a two-step approach. If you are a higher status person in a given conflict, begin with affirmation or appreciation of the other person. As a lower status person, thank or otherwise acknowledge your senior for being willing to meet to resolve things. Only after these preliminaries should you move to the open discussion typical of Cooperating.
- Pay careful attention to timing and readiness. Recognize when the skills and attitudes required for Cooperating are present, and when they are not. Then choose your response style appropriately. Sometimes it is better to use a different strategy for a while until you or others are ready for Cooperating.
- Do good process design. If the conflict involves numerous people, plan the process together. Usually it it not hard to agree on with whom, where, when, in what sequence things will be discussed. This "agreement on the process" will ease the discussion.
- Monitor the length and intensity of discussion. People who favor Cooperating tend to have more energy for intense discussion than others (with the exception of Directors, who may equal Cooperators in this). Monitor your volume and intensity; offers breaks during long exchanges; arrange discussion across several rounds.
Support Strategies for Cooperators. The most disruptive conflicts often come with those close to us, our partners and colleagues. The support strategies below are addressed to partners who want to help you function at your best. In negotiating with you, they are more likely to get a favorable response if they will:
- Seek both/and approaches in discussion. Even if discussion starts out like a battle, look for ways to turn it into a joint discussion of wants and needs. One simple way to do that: Agree to take turns talking and listening. Another: Switch from debate mode to joint analysis and problem-solving.
- Provide good listening. Feeling heard helps all styles, but Cooperators respond particularly well to efforts to structure conversation around listening. Hear them out fully and you are likely to be surprised at how well even an angry Cooperator will listen in response. If you know the skill of "active listening" or paraphrasing, use it.
- Be candid, without being rude or insulting. Most Cooperators respect directness and candor in others so long as it is polite. Saying what you want and need will be appreciated, particularly if you manage to say it in an attitude of "providing information about what matters most to me" rather than criticizing or making demands.
- Stay connected and do not back down too quickly. Cooperators are assertive and make themselves heard. But this is only one part of the process. They truly want to hear other voices too. If you are silent or too quick to agree, the Cooperator ends up seeming to be a Director, which is not at all the intention. Colleagues and friends, especially those who favor Harmonizing and Avoiding and thus naturally tend to step back from confrontation, should resist the inclination to quickly back down from an assertive Cooperator.
- Make both task and relationship a priority. Where Directors give priority to task and Harmonizers to relationship, Cooperaters give priority to both. Aim for this yourself. Separate these two in your thinking and figure out ways you can strategically support each.
- Provide information about your needs in a non-dramatic way. Like the Directing style, Cooperators seek info about what is happening with others and tend to become anxious in the absence of it. They'll respect you for giving it so long as you don't dramatize. Share info about yourself and your needs as calmly as you can. Eg: If you're getting very upset, say so, but avoid theatrics to get the point across. If you need some time and space to think, ask for it (rather than storming out the door) but signal your commitment to keep talking. "I want to go for a walk for half an hour to think things through. Then I'll come back and we can talk some more."
- Communicate your needs proactively. For example, in conversation with a Cooperating, an Avoider who needs to step back and think things through might say, "I recognize we need to talk. I want to be at my best when we do that. Could we discuss it tomorrow at 2 after the staff meeting? That will give me a chance to sort out my thoughts."
- Signal continuity of discussion. If you need a rest or time to think, assure the Cooperator you're committed to the discussion. Eg: "I'm worn out by this discussion. Could we take a break and continue tomorrow evening?"