Trainer Kathy Galleher on Using Style Matters

Consultant Oma Drawas on Using Style Matters

What Trainers Say About Style Matters

Uncategorised

About the Combination of Directing and Compromising in Storm Settings

You scored high for both Directing and Compromising in Storm. This combination has a particular character that you should be aware of so you can maximize its strengths and minimize its limitations. 

Strengths of this combination: This combination combines confidence and purposiveness (Directing) with pragmatism (Compromising).  People who have it tend to function well in settings where assertiveness and drive in the face of challenge are essential, especially where pragmatism and maintaining forward motion are important.    It's a great combo for business negotiation, management, or leadership where high energy and innovation are important.
 
Limitations of this combination:Like all style patterns, this combination has particular limitations that you should be aware of. Directing as a conflict style focuses narrowly on task or goals of the Director. Compromising as a conflict style has a moderate commitment to relationships and a moderate commitment to task. Neither style is strongly oriented towards relationships; the preference is to invest moderately but not deeply in understanding and addressing the agendas of others.

With this combo you are likely to push for your agenda (Directing) while offering a few concessions in hopes of a deal (Compromising). Sometimes those responses are exactly what is needed.

But where long-term relationships really matter and issues arise that people truly care about, this combo may not work so well. People on the opposite side are likely to be hurt and offended, feeling that you are too pushy, trying to appease by tossing a few crumbs, and not really taking them seriously.

How to benefit from the strengths and reduce your exposure to the limitations:  If the above has a ring of truth for you, you might benefit from some of these ideas:

1) Study Cooperating and Harmonizing.  Both are oriented towards relationships and the benefits of keeping others happy. Cooperating will be particularly helpful since, like Directing, a style you prefer, it too is task-oriented. But Cooperating additionally seeks to actively support others even while pursuing its own cause.

2) Work on becoming a great listener and an asker of thoughtful questions. All the skills of the Cooperating style will be worth the effort to learn, and none more so than the ability to ask good, thoughtful questions and listen well. 

3) Slow down. Coach yourself to be willing to take more time at resolving things than might feel desirable to you.  Both Directing and Compromising styles are often favored by people who like to move fast, get ahead, wrap up the deal, etc.  Those are great instincts for some situations, but not all.  If you see things are getting tense, try slowing down and giving others more time.  

4) Consider the requirements of thoroughness, comprehensiveness and good process design.  Both Directing and Compromising as styles can be so focused on getting results that important process considerations are ignored. Are you adequately exploring all options - or just grabbing the first solution that seems to be acceptable?  Are there people who really ought to be consulted before settling on a deal?

About the Combination of Harmonizing and Directing in Storm Settings

You scored high for both Harmonizing and Directing in Storm. This combination has a particular character that you should be aware of.

Strengths of this combination: A strength of this combination is being assertive and goal-oriented in a pleasant way.  It's a great style for leading teams in settings where it's important to keep lots of people happy.  It's also great for settings where it is necessary to convince people of the merits of what you are doing.   It's perfect for sales, public relations, and any kind of leadership or coordination where relationships matter.

Limitations of this combination:  Like all style patterns, this combo has limitations you should be aware of.   At heart, these two styles are somewhat contradictory, for they respond to two very different things.  Directing responds to the call of task, to get things done.  Harmonizing responds to relationships, the concern to please others, charm, and keep people happy.  Together they give you the ability to push ahead with important work and relate well to others as you are doing so.  This is a gift for many settings.  But what happens when you hit resistance?  Which side of this unusual blend will you go for?  Others may find you hard to read at times or unpredictable, since they may not know what to expect.   If you shift back and forth between the two styles, once Directing, now Harmonizing, or vice versa, others may experience you as "slippery" or "devious".

How to benefit from the strengths and reduce your exposure to the limitations:  
1) Study the Cooperating Style, which blends commitment to task and relationship seamlessly.  No either/or there - it's task and relationship, all the time!  A lot of it is about being patient with differences, engaging in exploration of differences without being in a rush to resolve them.

2) A key strategy in Cooperating that you too can use is good listening and interacting at some depth with the perspectives of others, without hastening to bring in your own perspectives.  

3) Use helpful questions that support people in talking about the things they want and need and in exploring options.   This will use your energy and inclination to engage in a way that interacts without being pushy.

4) Coach yourself to think about your values and principles.  The more clarity you have about these, the more likely that you will find ways of navigating tricky situations consistently, in a principled way that wins trust.   

5) Smile at yourself, better yet, laugh sometimes.  People good at Harmonizing are often good with humor.   If that describes you, you can soften the paradoxical blend that you represent by being able to chuckle at yourself.  Others will appreciate it and may trust you more.

About the Combination of Directing and Cooperating in Storm Settings

You scored high for both Directing and Cooperating in Storm. This combination has a particular character that you should be aware of.

Strengths of this combination: A strength of this combination is high energy and high engagement. Even just on its own, either style will help you to stay engaged and stay strong on the agendas you care about, even when others disagree.  But you scored high in both styles in Storm conditions.  This suggests unusual ability to function with confidence and energy in the midst of considerable tension.

This ability can serve you well in challenging circumstances, such as needing to coordinate others and provide leadership in adversarial or high stress situations, or in negotiating with a wily opponent who must be engaged but not necessarily defeated.

Limitations of this combination:  Like all style patterns, this combo has particular limitations that you should be aware of. Both Directing and Cooperating deal with conflict by engaging opponents rather than stepping aside or yielding.  Engaging is great, but it requires a lot of time and energy.  Given your scores, you are vulnerable to over-engagement and to burnout over time.

How to benefit from the strengths and reduce your exposure to the limitations:  If the above has a ring of truth for you, you might benefit from some of these ideas:

1) Develop your conflict assessment skills, so that it becomes second nature to look before you leap. Ask yourself if the issue is really as urgent as you feel that it is. Choose carefully both the issues to which you choose to commit the time and energy that conflict requires, and the timing of when you deal with things. You can't fight every battle all the time.  Make careful choices before engaging.

2) Use phasing.  Teach yourself and lead others in a phased approach to conflict whenever possible. Learn about problem solving strategies (lots of resources on the web for that), which will help you recognize that many activities happen in the course of conflict resolution - problem acknowledgement, issue clarification, needs identification, options generation, options evaluation, preliminary agreements, final agreements, etc. As you expand your ability to break down conflict resolution into phases, you will find that you can more easily avoid being overwhelmed. You will be able to make better judgements about exactly what to do in a given moment and what to put off till another round.

3) Make self-care part of your routines.  Develop disciplines of personal renewal and de-stressing to help you maintain perspective and rebuild your strength. Your score combo can be a setup for burnout because it points you so strongly towards work and engagement. Regular physical exercise will have huge payoffs.  Schedule time to relax, every day, even if only a few minutes. Arrange to have some hours and days away from it all on a regular basis. Commit yourself to practices of heart and soul that remind you "this too shall pass", and that direct your attention in a deep way to awareness beyond the constant demands of the world you live and work in.

4) In leadership, balance your passion for involvement with commitment to help others get involved.   Delegate, bring others forward, step back and make space for those not quite as confident or quick as you to step forward.

About the Combination of Cooperating and Compromising in Storm

You scored high for both Cooperating and Compromising in Storm. This combination has a particular character you should be aware of so you can maximize its strengths and minimize its limitations. 

Strengths:  This combo brings together a key characteristic of Cooperating - joint exploration of problems and solutions - with the let's-make-a-deal pragmatism of Compromising. Both styles expect to work together with others to resolve conflict.  Cooperating seeks this through in-depth discussion to find a solution that gives both sides everything they seek. Compromising is a little less confident in talk and less willing to invest effort in it, moving quickly to find in-between solutions that require everyone to back off a bit from what they want.  

Limitations:  Since you favor both styles you are likely to function well where negotiation and problem-solving are major requirements. But the combination of Cooperating and Compromising has limitations you should consider.    

With such a strong orientation towards talk, you may over-use talk and negotiation.  Sometimes other responses are better! 

  • Not all conflicts are worth the time and effort required to talk things through.  Sometimes it's better to delay or avoid conversation.  
  • Sometimes duty or principle requires us to be non-negotiable.  Parents, leaders of many kinds, and certain professionals bear duties at times to command, protect and safeguard.
  • Sometimes quick, decisive action is essential, in which case a Directing response might be more appropriate.  A surgeon can't deal with a crisis by negotiating with colleagues, nor, perhaps, the director of an organization in a budget emergency.   There are good reasons why emergency response organizations (fire, police, military, etc.) are vertical in their decisionmaking hierarchies and structured around Directing responses.
  • With a strong preference for talk, you may may wear out people around you, or miss cues they want to just settle and move on.

How to benefit from the strengths and reduce your exposure to limitations:  If the above has a ring of truth for you, consider these ideas:

  1. Study the Support  Tips for both styles, under the tab for each on the Support page.  Those are things others can do to support you. If you understand what kind of support you need, you can more easily ask for it.
  2. Count the cost of discussion and dialogue.   Dialogue takes time and energy.  If you plunge heedlessly into intense discussion every time a challenge comes along, you'll live in heat but little light.  Tend well the garden of your engagements - prune and weed carefully so that you direct your time and energy to the issues and people you most want to engage.
  3. Ponder the duties that your roles in life require of you.  When you are a parent or leader, you can't be negotiable about everything.  Others depend on you to use your knowledge and power wisely.  Sometimes it is your duty to respond firmly and set limits, and this will not please everyone.  If you struggle with this, seek out a mentor wise in the roles you must fill.  
  4. Do careful process design.   Process design involves planning discussion processes before getting far into them.  You define the issues with care, consider whom to involve and in what role, agree on decision-making rules, decide on topics or activities to include and in what order, etc.  Process planning improves odds the discussion will come off well.
  5. Consult about negotiation and decisionmaking as leader.  Your instinct for discussion and dialogue can be a gift to groups.  But check in regularly with others to review things.  You want participation but you don't want to drag discussion on endlessly.  Do they feel you are striking the right balance of being negotiable and firm as a leader? If it's awkward to frame this question narrowly around yourself, you could frame it around what "we" do as a group or a team - the implications for your own role will be clear.
  6. Build time limits and breaks into discussion processes.   Your Cooperating/Compromising preferences give you unusual stamina for talk.  Others may need a rest sooner than you! 

About the Combination of Directing and Avoiding in Storm Settings

You scored high for both Directing and Avoiding in Storm. This combination has a particular character that you should be aware of.

A strength of this combination is robust defensive capacity. The tendency will be to either strongly engage without yielding (Directing) or to withdraw and delay (Avoid), but never to compromise or give in.  This combination of styles will serve you well where there is need for leadership or position that is uncompromising, or where there is challenging work needing to be done with little social support available.

Weaknesses: This combo also has particular limitations that you may wish to train yourself to overcome. As conflict styles, neither Directing nor Avoiding give weight to relationships.  Conflict and work where relationships are important (which is the majority, really) will require special effort on your part.  If you scored much higher in these styles than other conflict styles, listening to and drawing out others to understand what they want and need may not come easily for you.

Life is likely to put you in settings where the strengths of this combo serve you very well. But to function well in family settings, have close friendships, and be considered a constructive team member and peer in work settings, you may need to expand your comfort zone beyond these two styles.

How to use the strengths of this combination and avoid its weaknesses:  Look particularly at Harmonizing and Cooperating for inspiration. Learn active listening and how to use questions skillfully to help others state their needs and concerns.

Make it your personal self-assignment, when in conflict, to educate yourself deeply about the perspectives of others by interviewing them. This will use your energy and ability to focus in a way that builds relationships. Your challenge while doing interviews, of course, will be to avoid argumentation during this phase. Focus on listening, learning, and understanding, and then draw on the knowledge gained later when you return to response mode.

Teach yourself how to give honest affirmation and positive feedback to others. Notice, outloud, what they do well, and let them know you see it and appreciate it.   You may be surprised at the improvement in relationships and morale that follow!

About the Combination of Cooperating and Avoiding in Storm Settings

You scored high for both Cooperating and Avoiding styles in Storm. This combination has a particular character you should be aware of so you can maximize its strengths and minimize its limitations.

A strength of this combination is ability to be strategic about management of issues.  Cooperating involves engaging and talking through issues when differences exist.   Avoiding involves a tendency to move away from conflict.  This rather unusual combination can be an asset when it is necessary to engage some issues but not all of them.  Your style combination can assist you in choosing when and where to enter into the demands of dialogue and when to skirt it. 

Weaknesses: Like every combination of styles, this one also has limitations.   Because these two styles have very contrasting energies, other people may find you unpredictable.  If you shift back and forth between the two styles without signalling what is going on, they will experience you as inconsistent.   

How to benefit from the strengths and avoid the limitations:  If the above has a ring of truth, try these ideas:

  1. Study the Support  Tips for both styles, under the tab for each on the Support page.  Those are things others can do to support you, but you should study them so you know what to ask for.
  2. When you are engaging (Cooperating style) build spaces into your work so you can step back, prepare, and re-group.  This will address your Avoiding needs.
  3. Use Purpose Statements.  These are statements summarizing your intentions or purpose.  They help others to see clearly what you want to accomplish and more easily know how to respond.   Formulating a Purpose Statement helps you sort through what matters to you; when you know that, striking a balance between these two styles will be easier. 
  4. Think through your values and principles.  Since these two styles differ more than many style combinations, values clarification will be especially useful for you.  Cooperating is about working together with others and creating new, even daring solutions together.  Avoiding is about preserving existing structures or situations and preventing undue risk. Both instincts have their place but they don't always coexist nicely, especially in one person.   
  5. If you feel inner conflict as you work through conflict with others, take time to listen to your own inner voices (there may be more than one). Test them against your deepest values.  When you are at peace with yourself, this style combination can give you stamina and laser focus on the issues you choose to engage in.

More Articles ...

  1. About Riverhouse2
  2. About Riverhouse
  3. Dashboard Login